You'll Get Disappointed!

What follows is up to you

I have a friend. She's doing so well and is relatively comfortable in her life trajectory. But she's not always been like that. She didn't think she could be what she is now. In our conversation, she told me she never thought she was enough or was too comfortable and complacent. Then she failed! Luckily, she failed early enough. She disappointed herself.

There weren't going to be papers over cracks. She had to face the music and deal with it. She likes music a lot, by the way. Her failure was having to repeat a class in secondary school. It was the moment she needed to be whipped into shape. Trust me, she's gone so far ever since. It was a disappointing moment for her when it happened but she dealt with it in a powerful manner. Not in a way many people do.

How do you handle disappointments? That thing that chokes you so badly you want to end it. You think you have your life on track and everything looks good, until that one moment changes the direction of your projections, and deflates your ballooning  confidence. I think we've all been there.

Disappointments are not easily dealt with, but they're also not a death sentence or an affliction you will not recover from, if you choose to. Understanding the awkwardness of people’s choices will make disappointments less penetrating. They become bruises, and they'll heal. And people treat loyalty differently.  The one single baton to disappointment is expectations. But you'd always expect to be treated right, to be spoken to, to be respected, to be communicated with, and many other expectations. A kid who shouts and revels in the presence of her father wants to be hoisted in the air, smiling sheepishly and mischievously, but brother man is tired. Dear father wasn't so dear to his dear daughter and that's the first layer of disappointment. If it happens consistently, the kid gets used to it and it leaves a bad imprint on her life. Accepting her father won't hoist or lift her as she desires is disappointing but the baby girl accepts. She won't change her father and that's heartbreaking.

“Disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering things are not the way you thought they were.” - Brad Warner

People who don't have choices deal with disappointments like it's normal and that's leading a life of everlasting sadness. Imagine anyone’s reality being sad. The acceptance of having to live with disappointment is sad, but soon, they get over it. And it becomes dangerously normal.

The brain interprets emotions and actions on the basis of history. A history of many things. And when you've once been disappointed by someone, it tells you can be disappointed again by the same person. That's your brain dealing with it for you, but sometimes the brain doesn't win too.

Some people get suicidal based on disappointment, and others waltz through it like it never happened. You invited your friend to an event and he never showed up despite outlining the importance of his presence. It's disappointing, but he's your friend and you saw it coming. You've managed your reaction right before the action, and that's how to deal with it. You'll be sad, by the way. But your sadness was expected. Take your L.

Don't place squares where cones are to fit in. There will never be a match. Understand that you're dealing with humans, and they're bound to disappoint you at some point. Disappointment is also a question of understanding. If you disappoint yourself, it may propel you to brilliance like it did my friend. That's if you don't hold it like titanium. Everyone is looking to make themselves feel happy, and most people do it at the expense of others. It's our reality as a people and it’s not the best thing to realise. But until you learn to deal with disappointments in a way that won’t threaten your happiness, you'll hardly ever lead a happy life because you'll be disappointed at some point. In people, or yourself.

What I Learnt From My Friend’s Story

That everyone is good. That we all are powerful. That getting a reality check is what we need most of the time. That there's always a need for us to feel the sometimes razor-sharp claws of reality. It could be all the difference our lives need. It was a significant lesson.

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Do Something Nice

Last week, I wrote something about Taiwo Awoniyi and the player liked it. I'm thrilled. And it also taught me to always do what my mind repeatedly calls for.

I also got a call from a man who I've long admired and respected. He read that story and reached out to me and we talked about my first story on Substack. It was a good way to know him. You can take a look here

Lest I forget, please subscribe if you're yet to. The coming days hold more. Thanks for staying true, and have a beautiful week ahead.